Here’s a little history lesson – and then I’ll get personal. In January or February of each year, the President of the United States gives a State of the Union Address to a joint session of Congress. Did you know this address is mandated by the Constitution, and it is considered a duty of the President to do this? In this message, the President is supposed to talk about important issues facing America as well as offer ideas for solving the nation’s problems. This directive from our founding fathers intrigues me. Clearly, it speaks to the importance of taking inventory in life. Since the concept seems equally useful for individuals, I offer my personal state of the union address (SOTU) now.
As a 68-year-old woman here are the issues facing me.
- I am suffering from little-piece-of-paper syndrome.
- My body seems to be holding up ok, but my 34-year-old-house, not so much.
- I can’t keep up with everything I need to keep up with.
- Death has started to visit my friends.
- In the face of these struggles, gratitude comes to mind. Thank God for my loved ones who help put life in perspective.
Issue #1: I am suffering from little-piece-of paper syndrome.
I have always written notes to myself for things I need to remember. I don’t claim to have dementia just the natural aging process, but the older I get, the more little notes I need to write. These little scraps of paper cover the kitchen counter and my bedroom dresser plus they are taped to my bathroom mirror, computer screen, and to my car’s dashboard. If it’s really important? I hang it on a 12-inch piece of tape in the kitchen doorway to hit me in the face when I enter. I even have a file folder called, “Little Pieces of Paper.” It’s ridiculous and it’s overwhelming. Are my cognitive skills slipping?
Issue #2: My body seems to be holding up ok, but my 34-year-old-house, not so much.
I have needed major home repairs every year for the last four years. This year I’m replacing the wood siding on two out of four exterior walls of the house. The expense is shocking, but equally difficult is finding competent people not only to bid the work but to actually come out to do the work after I sign on the dotted line. As I complain about this to my son, his response is the same every time: I should sell this place and move elsewhere. Is he implying a newer house or a residence for older people?
Issue #3: I can’t keep up with everything.
Beyond email, which is a 24/7/365 problem, there is the issue of snail mail. I have long ago stopped getting paper statements from companies that get paid automatically via credit card or bank debit, but statements from credit card companies, banks, financial institutions, health, life, and home insurance companies litter my life. Add to that letters of solicitation from charities I support, magazines from AARP and AAA, renewal notices for my auto license, my theater subscription, my safe deposit box, and the like, and I am swamped. Remind me of an upcoming wedding to buy a gift for or those miserable but annual tax returns to file, and I am flipping out. Are we living in an increasingly complex world, or am I falling behind because I am an exhausted old lady?
Issue #4: Death has started to visit my friends.
I have gone through lots of stages in my thoughts of death. I spent some time as a child being terrified. Then I had kids and made a deal with God: I would be ok with dying if He/She would just let my kids be alive and well. Then I watched my mom die in cancer pain and watched my dad die of old age. In both cases, I learned there are things worse than death. I will miss the healthy, vibrant version of them every day of my life, but that version was no longer an option.
My sister-in-law just died at the age of 72. She had reached the stage of “no options” and explained that fact to her kids. She instructed them to have a funeral for her, throw dirt on her, have a celebration of her life, and then go on and live their own. Her courage and strength in the face of death help me to get more comfortable with the thought of death.
Issue #5: Thank God for my loved ones who help put life in perspective.
2019 was a big year for our family. My oldest grandchild, Tillie, became a Bat Mitzvah, and my son and his lovely girlfriend got engaged. This kind of news went right into the annual Christmas letter. But equally important – or maybe more important – are all the lesser occasions that we shared togetherness. Before the coronavirus, it was the grandkids’ band concerts, soccer games, and the like. It was family dinners and holidays together. Post coronavirus, it’s Zoom meetings, FaceTime chats, drive-by parades for birthday celebrations, and standing together outside – and six feet apart – to converse. It’s being emotionally close in spite of being physically apart.
All ten grandkids have taught me things this year, but let me mention the youngest and the oldest:
- Baby Jude is newly three-years-old. He and his parents love the Beatles. Currently, he pretends to be John Lennon (and allows me to be Paul De-Cart-Me) as he sings “All You Need Is Love” on a continuous loop during our Zoom time together. His voice is as sweet as the song’s lesson.
- My Tillie is newly 14-years-old, and in the last few months, she has surpassed me in height. Before the coronavirus, as I stretched to place a kiss on the top of her head, I ached. She is a graphic reminder that the kids are growing up, that time is marching on.
As I review the five issues in my SOTU, I notice a pattern. Each one ends with some awareness of aging. For months now, I’ve had one foot in the grave! The coronavirus – with its very real threat to my age group – is a much-needed reminder to be fully alive while I still have the chance. Little pieces of paper and home repairs be damned!
With this new understanding, I resolve to pluck that one foot out of the grave and keep it moving forward, promising a full report in next year’s SOTU!
*****
Looking for things to do while sheltering-in-place? Read a good book! Check out the new book review section of my website for suggestions.
Jude and Marmel, in the good old days, before Coronavirus
Great SOTU! Our present day reality. Hopefully it will get better and we’ll continue to enjoy life, kids and grandkids.
I always enjoy reading your blogs! Thank you.
Hoping to hug a grandkid soon…
Love your blog, Lorie. Can’t believe my former student Tillie is 14! Hope to see you at a quilt guild meeting sometime soon . . .
Hi Sharon, It was unbelievable that Tillie had her Bat Mitzvah in April 2019 and then more unbelievable that a whole year has passed since then! Time FLIES!!! Hope to see you at a guild meeting soon. Until then, stay safe!
Great blog, as always! Great reminder that we are indeed STILL HERE!! Let’s take one day at a time, and do more of what we love with each day!! ❤️
More of what we love each day…shopping at Aldi’s and perhaps Walgreen’s and fondly remembering those who went shopping there before us!!!
Good one, M. Your little piece of paper syndrome is endearing. GET THAT FOOT OUT OF THE GRAVE and DO NOT MOVE! That is all. I love you.
I sometimes think that all my idiosyncrasies make me as cute as a doggone button, and other times I think I’m nuts! “Endearing” is such a nice label for my craziness. Thanks! ILYSVM
Keep that foot out of the grave, lady!! Your lineage should remind you that you’ve got a lot more life to live!! Also, a quick opt-out will help you (& the Earth!) with issue #3: https://www.paperkarma.com/blog/stop-junk-mail/
Ah…Thanks for that help! I appreciate it!
I love your resolution! Remember that same foot is one that walks every day, cooks Thursday night dinners for 7+ regularly, travels all over the US and beyond, and chases 10 grandchildren sleeping over on NYE every year (we may question your sanity for that in particular, but I digress). Also, I think if your brilliant mind that wins spelling bee (every time🤨), writes beautiful books and blogs to inspire others in hard times, and knows just what to say (but even more so how to listen) in tough times. Sticky notes, iPhone calendars, dry erase board notes, and email reminders keep my bills paid, patients safe, and life moving forward in general. I’m telling my not even 40 year old self and you- “It’s completely normal!”. Thank God for all of these reminders and for you. We love you!
Thanks, Meg! I love knowing that you young folks struggle with these things too. It makes it all so NORMAL. I love to be normal! And I love to be loved. Thank you. Fingers crossed that the worldwide health situation will allow for a New Year’s Eve sleepover for all the beloved grandkids!
Oh, Lorie, you worry too much. “It is what it is” continues to be my mantra, particularly through this coronavirus time. Here’s how I handle the “little pieces of paper” problem. I have a stack of paper, neatly folded in half from 8-1/2 x 11, mostly backside of printer paper headed to the recycle bin, that sits beside my iPad on the dining room table. I make notes there for just about everything, grocery lists, notes for appts from phone calls, names/contents of recipes, etc. Whenever a page gets filled up, it must be transferred elsewhere or appropriately taken care of —reminders and appts entered promptly into the calendar, notes entered in “phone notes” , movie theatres and times (in the old days), recipes filed, groceries ordered, etc. Then a line drawn thru the page and paper deposited into recycle bin. Right now there are 3 pages, all to be cleaned up tonight. However, this won’t work for your little pieces of paper in different rooms. I’ve found that putting everything that needs a reminder into my phone’s calendar with appropriate timed reminder dings works well. And yes, this stay-at-home thing, not seeing my friends, puts everything into perspective. Sending much love, until our next Graeter’s date…tba.
But sweet Vera, if I didn’t worry, I wouldn’t be me! But wait! Do you hear what I hear? It’s Sammy Davis Jr. singing “I’ve Gotta Be Me.”