Three Great Places to Look for Friends
I have often talked about – and been teased about – the idea of keeping a list called “These People Are My Friends.” But I think it’s a great idea. When I am flying high emotionally, it helps me figure out the exact right person to join me for a specific adventure. After all, not everyone wants to go to on a bus tour, or on a field trip with grandkids, or on a march on Washington. But more important, I have a tendency toward depression. On a day when I am blue, such a list reminds me I am not a social pariah. I am not all alone. I have friends.
Since a sense of isolation is a reality during the coronavirus, it’s important to actively think about and foster friendships. Fortunately, this is something within our control. If we want to be rich in friends, we can be.
As it happens, within a ten-day period in January, three of my dearest friends had birthdays. I continue celebrating them by using them as my examples here.
Three Great Places to Look for Friends
- Your Childhood – Fan or Rekindle Such Friendships Now
Roberta and I have been friends since kindergarten. Though we have not lived in the same city since 1970 when we graduated high school, we talk weekly, and meet up with each other regularly, often in New York. Roberta is the Dear Abby of my romantic life. She has talked me through high school crushes, 21 years of marriage, and love the second – and third – time around. She also has helped me parse every problem I ever had with my kids or with my professional life, not to mention going through the deaths of our parents together. It’s mind boggling but true: She knows more about my life than anyone.
In the last decade, we have further bonded through travel. I feel most comfortable using a tour company and traveling on land, in a bus. She humors my needs and comes along. Hence Warsaw, Budapest, Vienna, and Prague have been ours, along with fall foliage in all the New England states, and the Grand Canyon, Bryce, and Zion National Parks. Each adventure deepens our link and gives us a shorthand for happiness – the merest mention of that hotel with tusks brings a laugh every time.
- Your B-R-O-A-D Extended Family – You Already Love the Same People, Love Each Other
Sue is my daughter’s mother-in-law. Some people think it strange that we have a friendship. But that’s insane to me. We have so much in common! There are five people we both love with all our hearts: my daughter, Sue’s son, and our three shared grandsons. In Yiddish there is a word to describe our important relationship. We are machetunim, co-in-laws, and great candidates for friends.
As it turns out, Sue and I are similar in our emotional makeup. We both have up days and down days. As we handled lockdown in Ohio at the start of the pandemic, we called to check in with each other every evening. It astounded me that when she was at the end of her rope, I was managing fine and vice versa. I had experienced a similar phenomenon when I was a young mom as was my friend, Nancy. Amazingly, we were never homicidal on the same day. It seemed like a blessing then and again now to have a dear friend who could help me stay in balance. I will forever be grateful.
- Any Group You Join Brings the Potential for New Friends AND You’re Never Too Old to Make One
Vera and I met in a cancer caregivers support group when we were both AARP gals nearing Social Security. Trust me, I was not looking for friends at that moment. Enraged with my care-receiver for not doing cancer the way I wanted him to, I was a kettle of boiling water, looking to blow off steam. I was at my worst, but Vera liked me anyway, proving that unconditional love is a great element for friendship.
Vera is different from many of my friends because she hails from the world of business instead of one of the helping professions. She’s a little tougher. She’s a no-nonsense powerhouse with a Git-R-Done attitude. She has lots of ideas for interesting and FUN things to do (pre-COVID, of course) and makes all the arrangements for us to do them. In this manner we participated in two marches on Washington.
As an aside, a man I once dated was an activist. He asked me if I had ever been arrested? This was a crazy question for a perennial good girl like me. “What would I be arrested for?” I asked. “Putting curlers in my hair the wrong way?” And then there was Vera, a new friend helping to bring about an adventurous new me – and a couple of bus rides to D.C.
When I look at my “These People Are My Friends” list, I see that it is like a membership list of any organization. Let’s take the Temple Sisterhood for example. There are very active Board Members, women who only come to an event or two each year, and those who merely pay dues. But there are two truths to be found on the list. First, any involvement/support enriches the group. And second, it’s possible to take a less active member and turn her into something more.
Thus, I am grateful for my list, and I continue to grow it. It makes me a no-nonsense powerhouse with a Git-R-Done attitude. I know how to fan the flame of friendship. If I want to be rich in friends, I can be.
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Love, and appreciate your wisdom and honesty. I’m thankful to know that we are on each other’s lists!
I had to go back and read what I am honest about in this piece. Oh yes, being depressed sometimes. Thanks for being TOP COUSIN to hear me out at those times. I love you, Loie!
Nice blog. More important to be rich in friends than in any other way!
I agree! Such a blessing…
Lorie,
This is a wonderful post! Like you, I feel rich in the many friends I have — those from college (most of my high school and grade-school friendships have fallen away over time), my early adulthood, and those I have met since retirement. YOU, for instance, a treasure from my early adulthood — one of those chance encounters at a Temple program a month or two after attending one of your lectures for my professional association. How many years now? Decades? I’m still grateful to have you in my List of Friends. Can’t wait for Covid-isolation to be over so we can meet up again in person; we’ll need a weekend together at least to catch up!
I remember when we met, Rose. I introduced myself as Lorie Eckert and you excitedly said, “You mean Lorie Kleiner Eckert, the author?” Well, you made my day…and a couple of decades too. I think that was 1995 give or take.
Other readers – I live in Cincinnati, and Rose used to live here too. Now she lives about 100 miles away. Two or three times a year we meet up at a Bob Evans that is halfway between us, proving it really is possible to keep up with friends who move away.
This is such a nice love-filled blog just in time for Valentine’s Day! 💛
Valentine’s Day! Great day to call a friend with whom I am out of touch. I’ll give it a try!
As I have gotten older and my life continues to face challenges, the old Girl Scout chant “make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold” takes on more meaning. You find out who your true friends really are and open yourself up to new friends as well.
Thanks so much for commenting! That song from childhood often plays in my head too…