Here are three little words that evoke lots of emotion in people: “high school reunion.” If we were to plot the 450 still-living members of my graduating class on a spectrum from “can’t wait to attend the reunion” to “would never, ever consider attending,” I bet no two would be on the exact spot. 450 people, 450 opinions. That’s exactly as it should be. Permission granted for everyone to feel the way they feel on the subject. That said, here is some research on the topic along with my personal location on the spectrum.
Regarding reunions, the Chicago Tribune has this to say: “If you think most people attend their high school reunions to recapture the good old days and renew old acquaintances, wake up. You’re definitely dreaming. The real reason most people attend their high school reunions is to find out how badly their former school chums have turned out, experts say.”
In an opposite but equally cynical manner, Mamamia, an Australian women’s media company, spins things this way: “The sole purpose of the high school reunion is to turn up seeming more successful and together than anyone would have ever predicted.”
Wow! These publications clearly did not interview me. I just attended the 50th reunion of University City High School’s Class of 1970. (It was Covid-delayed). I went there to experience the JOY of seeing and catching up with my old friends.
This first encounter of the reunion weekend sums up my experience perfectly:
Perhaps the two sources I quoted opened their stories with these zingers just to lure the reader in for a humorous read. Particularly in the case of Mamamia this might be so as they discuss the eight types of people who show up for reunions including “the cool person who never changed and will ride that cool person wave until the day they die.”
The Chicago tribune article, though, continues in a more serious vein: ”All that nostalgic blabbering about the years spent in high school being the best years of our lives is a lot of bull…For most of us, the years when we attended high school were the most dangerous times in our lives. All sorts of traumatic things happened to us back then.”
An article in Psychology Today written by Laura Martocci, Ph.D., responds to this sort of high school experience. Martocci is known for her work on bullying and shame. In her article, “Should You Go to Your High School Reunion?”, she gives ten things to consider. Her most powerful point is that “high school reunions are not in the business of redemption.” She says, “Even a more level playing field does not necessarily offer the opportunity for recognition or respect.” A perk she sees, however, is this: “Attending your reunion may empower you. It could offer you the opportunity to affirm your inner growth and ongoing self-story.”
As for me, I am a nostalgic blabberer about the years spent in high school.
When I was in the University City school district, there were about ten elementary schools that fed into two junior highs and then into one high school. The district was not very transient, so I was particularly close with the kids I knew since elementary school.
I was never part of the cool crowd. I left that job up to my brother, Rich, and my cousins, Loie and Margie. I didn’t go to the football games. Friday night dances were not my thing.
In spite of this, I had lots of friends, and I kept busy. Scholastically, I was the kid who did my homework and knew the answer in class. I often hung out in Mr. Hale’s room to do extra chemistry experiments. After school, I worked on the literary magazine, sold ads for the yearbook, and sang in the chorus for school musicals. Adding to the fun, I was a serial monogamist and had five boyfriends between seventh grade and my senior year.
Perhaps this is of vital importance: A calm home life was the foundation upon which all this was built. These were good years for me. My parents’ names were Rose and Morrie Kleiner, but you might as well think of them as Ozzie and Harriet Nelson.
A common reason for NOT attending reunions is that we are able to keep in touch with a wide array of former friends thanks to Facebook. This is true and a wonderful thing. Likewise, FaceTime and Zoom conferences are terrific. But none of this compares to seeing someone live and in person. Nothing compares to sharing a hug.
A final article on this topic comes from Psychology Today. It is written by Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., who calls herself a reunion aficionado. She quotes longitudinal studies that show we live longer due to quality friendships. That being the case, she says, “I can’t imagine a more fertile ground for friendship than a gathering whose sole purpose is to connect people who have something in common.” She urges her readers to give their next reunion a try.
That would be my suggestion too. Bring on the friends! Bring on the hugs! High school reunions? I love ‘em!
*****
P.S. Of my five long ago boyfriends, I am pleased to report that I got to hug Randy and Sandy! But what about Ben, Lucky, and Danny? They didn’t attend! What the heck, guys? Please know a hug awaits you next time.
*****
Here’s my M.O.: I tell the stories of my life hoping others can find life lessons in them. AND I function as a cheerleader with the core message: Life can be difficult but you can handle it. Like these topics? Then try my books! They are all available on my Etsy shop. My newest book, Love, Loss, and Moving On, is also available on Amazon. And tell a friend!
Haha! This cool kid loves her grown up cool cousin!!! Keep on writing and sharing with us all! We love ya!! 😎🥰
Thanks, Loie. Stay tuned for the next blog, you get a mention then too… Love you.
Wow! One of the five! I feel like a two percenter in some category. 😉 I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum of reunion enthusiasm. Obviously I didn’t feel connected enough to make the trip.
I came to the show late at U City. There are several people I would enjoy meeting up with. If or when I ever make it back to the Midwest, I hope to see you again. 😊
Lucky! Try for the next reunion!! It was truly fun and the hugs were wonderful!!! Until then, how LUCKY to get to “see” each other from time to time on Facebook…
Het Lorie , thanks for this. Hopefully, you’ll hear feedback form other classmates. Here’s my story and why I have yet to attend a reunion. During the ten year , 1980 , I had mononucleosis , yes the dreaded kissing disease ! I have never been so sick in my life ! 104 fever, sweats , etc. I had a girlfriend at the time and she was a great caregiver. Forward to April 30th , because the dates moved , I had a family wedding commitment up in Seattle. It too was date changed three times because of you know what. It was my Cousin’s eldest Daughter and I felt more obligated to attend as we were like Brothers as our Father’s both passes within a year of each other in 1956. By the way, my Cousin lived on The Blackberry Strip , across from Hanley Jr. High during the 60’s . See ya’ in 2030 , I hope ! Mark
By the way, my Cousin passed of a brain tumor in 2009 , leaving behind a beautiful Wife and two Daughters.
So sorry to hear this. All such losses help us remember to enjoy each day…
Hey Mark, good to hear from you. Sounds like you had a very meaningful event to attend. Glad you could do that. Hope to see you at the next reunion. (Hope the reunion committee is up for it. They did so, so much due to all the date changes and so forth.) Be well!!
Wait !?! You lived in San Diego ? I’ve been here since 1974. OY VEY !
Small world!!
5 boyfriends?! I’d be attending solely to see how they aged… in case you’re wondering where I fall on the reunion spectrum 😉
Actually, I’d look forward to seeing some of your old boyfriends too. Of course, in my mind, they will be forever 18…
Enjoyed this even though I was in class of ‘69. I would have flunked chemistry. Fortunately, got away with just biology and maybe earth science. Will share your link with the ‘69 group.
Thanks so much for sharing the link with the “younger kids” of U. City High!
Wow, Lorie, looks like you made an impression on a few fellas, judging from the replies. Do none of your old classmates live in the Midwest? On a scale of 1-450, I’m about a 5. I come from a class of 21, that’s 21 graduates. We average about 7 classmates to our reunions. Did you get 1/3 attendance? Since we’re all old ladies now (they’re all 77), we rent a nice house at the Oregon Coast or Lake Tahoe, or maybe Palm Springs, and sit around for three days comparing ailments. I like the line about “the sole purpose is to connect people with something in common”. I’ve found I enjoy these women more each time we meet. We’re very lucky to have one dedicated classmate who refuses to let us disconnect, she hounds us with emails, reunion plans, updates on the deteriorating health or death of classmates, and news of each other. And, we love it, and love her for it.
Hi Vera, Your reunion group always sounds wonderful. Wishing you many more years of camaraderie with those very special friends.
Lorie-
It was great seeing you again as we had missed connections on the last 2 or 3 reunions. Despite the reunion-related anxiety, it was wonderful to see my classmates again. What was somewhat unusual for our district was that many of us had the same classmates all through elementary school and then had classes with those same people later on, forming a strong bond over 13 years. The traumatizing nature of the high school years can forge pretty strong bonds of friendship.
Hi Randy! So nice to hear from you. Thanks for reading my blog!!! I agree, 13 years together with the same “kids” formed amazing bonds! It was so good to see so many of them at the reunion! I was worried about you and your wife and COVID, and hope you left the reunion without getting sick – for her sake. Take good care…Lorie
We are all well, thank you
Lorie, I just came across this post on your blog. It’s beautifully written. I share your fond memories of our U. City years. When Bob Lochhead at the reunion dinner asked for members of our class to come up to share their memories, I was tempted but decided mine would sound a bit too sentimental. But I had been struck my freshman year of college by how many of my freshman classmates had miserable memories of their high school years–and thus I was tempted to contrast those experiences with mine. My memories, like yours, were mostly positive and treasured. And while I didn’t have as many girlfriends as you had boyfriends, in the early fall of my senior year I got up the courage to ask this pretty cheerleader with the warmest smile out on a date, after being prodded to do so by Steve Schainker and Al Koken. She said yes, and earlier this month Margi Lenga Kahn and I celebrated our 47th anniversary!
Hi Mike! So nice to hear from you! So glad your experience at U. City was wonderful like mine. We are indeed fortunate.
Is it a coincidence that you are on my website, or did you know that in a recent blog I specifically named YOU and gave a link to your website?? Here is the blog in case you missed it: https://www.loriekleinereckert.com/2022/08/08/the-facts-of-life-mathematically-speaking/ Thanks for helping me teach “The Facts of Life – Mathematically Speaking.”
Thank you, Lorie! And now that I’ve discovered you blog, I’ve also discovered some intriguing books of yours to add to my reading list! Best wishes!
Mike