A Handful of Thoughts

A Letter from Me to You

Hello friends,

I am struggling to write a blog this week though a handful of thoughts are swirling in my head.

I am going to St. Louis soon for my cousin’s birthday. We are first cousins, but 18 years apart. As you can imagine, we were never playmates, but it is odd to realize that now, magically, we are contemporaries. We are the oldest generation of the Kleiner clan! Actually, there are four of us in this club. Kenny is at the top of the heap at 90, my cousin Loie is 74, my brother Rich is four months younger, but also 74. Then I am next at 72.

I have always been the baby of this tier of Kleiners – and I guess I still am – but somehow being the youngest of the oldest doesn’t feel quite the same, and though I love all of these people dearly, I’m not sure I want to be in this club.

And speaking of babies, I need to talk about my oldest grandchild, Tillie. In grandma-time, it seems like it was just a few years ago that she was born, but in people years, that equals 18. The scene in the hospital waiting room in 2006 is so very fresh in my head. The nurse came out and said Tillie Rose had arrived and two – of the many of us at the hospital – could go back to meet her. Her other grandma, Cindy, grabbed my hand and said, “That’s us!”

And now, this once-baby is a smart, kind, hardworking, productive, wonderful, young woman who is leaving for college in the fall. I know I need to stay in my own lane and let my daughter, Shana – a.k.a. Tillie’s mom – do the empty nest thing, but still, Tillie’s exciting launch is a bit sad for those of us who love to see her happy face on a regular basis.

Speaking of sunrises and sunsets and swiftly flowing days, here’s another thing I am thinking about. I am annoyed with myself for allowing so much time to be sucked away from my life as I addictively watch “Reels” on Facebook. There are four kinds of videos I watch.

• I started with cake decorating videos.
• I soon added videos of people making crazy, over-the-top, excessively-sugared desserts.
• And then there are the beauty makeovers, that are so mesmerizing though I know I would never be able to replicate the hair and makeup the experts so effortlessly demonstrate.
• And finally, I LOVE to see celebrities then and now. Sometimes the celebrities are so very young-looking in the early photos! And sometimes they are frighteningly old-looking now! I’m not sure why so many male celebrities think a scruffy beard is alluring. But many are scruffy. It makes me wonder what I am doing wrong as I try to look youthful when in reality, I am the youngest of the oldest.

Be that as it may, I am alive! And gratefully so. I heard in the news a few days ago that my favorite author died. Paul Auster succumbed to complications of lung cancer at the age of 77. Nothing cute or funny to say about that.

His last book, Baumgartner, is what I plan to read next, which brings me to the last item swirling in my head, the last book I read, Sipsworth.

Sipsworth is about a woman who lost her husband – and then her adult son – over twenty years ago. They all lived in Australia together and now, in her 80’s, she has moved back to the place of her birth, London, as she waits to die. There is a complication, however, in that she finds a reason to live instead. How did this happen? A mouse got in her house! And as other people help her with the mouse situation, she inadvertently builds a community with those people – and with the mouse – allowing the reader to hope for a happily ever after.

Looking over this letter, I see that the bulk of my swirling thoughts are about aging, death, and dying. But hooray! There’s a little bit of happily ever after too. And that’s the perfect takeaway. That’s what I am going to aim for as I celebrate heartily with Kenny and then with my granddaughter, the graduate.

I may even allow myself to zone out with a Facebook video or two.

Or maybe ten.

And then there are those truly crazy, over-the-top, excessively-sugared dessert recipes to try as I live these quickly flowing days to the fullest.

Hmmmm. I guess that’s a plan for the future – and also a blog!

Lorie

*****

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