What Will My Grandkids Remember about Me?
I sat outside on Monday afternoon and watched three of my grandkids play ball with each other in my driveway. It was a Monday holiday, and they had spent the day at my house. Every time there was a lull in the indoor activity – in other words, between snacks and meals – they were outside playing. They had a wonderful time! Football! Badminton! And even volleyball with a very deflated ball! They couldn’t seem to get enough of it! And it made me wonder if they would remember the day? Wonderful in so many ways and yet so ordinary and easy to forget.
And then there was another question too, much larger, what would they remember of me?
And so as the balls bounced back and forth, so did my thoughts, to my history with these kids, to my own Bubbie and childhood, and to the future.
Historically, Mondays have been the day that grandkids spend time at my house from 9:00 until 4:00. They call me Marmel and we call such days of togetherness Marmel School. I have always run the day with a set schedule. I hoped this gave them the comfort of a routine, of knowing what to expect. This was important when they were little and new to being away from their mommies.
In the earliest days of Marmel School, we had free play followed by singing. Morning snack came next – Froot Loops served in red heart-shaped bowls. Then it was craft time and lunch. And after lunch we had the fan favorite – a special dessert that we call the egg box. Each child got an egg carton with a different candy in each of the twelve slots. Then I read them a story or two and sent them off to the least favorite part of the day, nap time. When they woke up, we played some more, in a different room with different toys from the morning – or in the summer we had water play outside – and then the moms came to pick them up.
Marmel School has morphed and morphed through the fifteen years of its existence as new kids were born into the family. It continues to morph as the kids grow older. Five of the ten grandkids are teenagers now. Suffice it to say they do not come to a nursery-school-like day at my house. Of the remaining five, four are eleven-years-old and one is seven. Egg boxes are still a true favorite part of the day as is nap time’s replacement, TV time. Oh, and let’s not forget those Froot Loops! I have a deep suspicion that these elements are what convince them to come over on Monday holidays.
Clearly, though, these rock-a-bye-babies are soon to rock out of Marmel School altogether. What will they remember of all these ordinary but wonderful days together?
I flash back to memories of my own childhood, of playing with my cousins at my Bubbie’s house. Wallball and stepball! Mimsies and clapsies! Lots of hide-n-seek! Olly olly oxen free, everybody come in free! I don’t remember a specific day, but lots of them, melded together into the happiness of my childhood.
I had candy too – after Friday night dinners Grandpa would reach into his pocket and pull out what seemed like an ENORMOUS handful of change. He gave it all to the nine of us kids, allowing us to go buy penny candy at Ray’s Delicatessen on the corner. The only stipulation was that we had to buy him the evening paper with our stash of cash.
Truthfully, Bubbie isn’t exactly a part of these memories. She was just the nice lady in the kitchen, cooking. Of course, as an adult, I see her as the heart and soul of it all. Had she not cooked dinner for the family every Friday night, to whom would Grandpa have passed out all those coins? How would those memories have been made?
I come to see women of this ilk – my mom was one as well – as if they are wallpaper. They are always there in the background. But here’s the good news: Wallpaper isn’t going anywhere. You can leave and come back two years later and the wallpaper is still there. Very steady stuff that wallpaper.
So I guess that’s what I am hoping for with my ten Marmelettes – soon all to be graduates of Marmel School – that they remember me fondly there in the background, creating a place for the good times to roll.
*****
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Lorie, this is a wonderful post. I’ve wondered the same thing: what will Sofia and David remember about me? I’m the “third grandma,” the step-grandparent, but I’ve been more present to them than their out-of-town grandmother. Will I be remembered as fun? As the “adult” while my husband is the playmate? Etc.
My own grandmother, whom I loved dearly, was not the playmate, until I was old enough to learn gin rummy. But she was always there: cooking, cleaning, ironing (she taught me how, with handkerchiefs and pillowcases as my first ironees). These were her ways of loving us — providing for us hearty repasts, a clean home in which to live while we were visiting, teaching us skills she had which she thought we’d need to know (along with manners). I still think of her when I smooth my no-iron, permanent press pillow cases before folding them and putting them away. And when I’m wiping off fingerprints from the fridge (mine, or my grandkids’), I think of her telling my mother that she would leave my toddler fingerprints on her shiny coffee table for weeks after our visits ended — because she couldn’t bear to wipe away the evidence of me.
Who wouldn’t remember someone who loved you like that???
Hi Rose, Thanks for such a nice story about fingerprints! Of all things! And your closing line is priceless. OK, our grandkids will definitely remember all the love we showed them!! Amen!
Marmel School is/was a beautiful idea! Your grandchildren will have “ten” times the happy memories than you have. Treasure all of them!
Thanks, Sheryl! I like your optimism!
I think you’ll be more than wallpaper in their memories; if nothing else you’ll be the Fruit Loop refiller ;) jk
What a great title! The Fruit Loop Refiller. I love it!
You are unforgettable in every way, Marm.
Ahhhhhh. Thanks! XXOO
What a lovely blog, Lorie! I’ve always envied you having so much time with your grandkids growing up, what with Marmel School and don’t forget those Thursday night dinners, too! My happiest memories are of my grandmother’s cooking. She made a delicious corn casserole, and an outstanding rhubarb pie!
Do you have the recipes for your grandmother’s greatest hits???? Hope so!
What a wonderful heart warming post! Most certainly you are creating so many warm fuzzy moments with your grandchildern. Many times we don’t realize what our grand kids will remember until we are long gone. I My paternal grandmother passed when I was 50, she was in her 90’s. I am so happy she hung around long enough for me to really appreciate her.
A number of years ago my step son and his wife came to visit with their recently adopted 6 year old, Alex. We pulled out all the stops hoping to make it a memorable experience : Little variety boxes of cereal so he could have his choice each morning, made him a personalized quilt and matching pillowcase, we rode the trolley, went to the petting zoo, made a shark out of a watermelon for dessert one night, etc. As they were leaving and Alex said what a great time he had I asked “what are you going to tell people you did on your vacation?” His reply…”I will tell them I spent the night”. It’s the little things. You are providing so many heartwarming moments for your little ones (and not so little ones) that maybe “Attending Marmel School” will one day be the catch phrase that encompasses a whole flood of memories they all share. Personally I think that egg box dessert would be in the top 10!
Oh Joyce, I love your story about Alex. Got a good chuckle from it too! Feel free to give him an egg box for dessert next time he visits. It is a show stopper for kids!!