I Identified Too Much
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I really love Elizabeth Strout’s writing. I could try to sound highbrow and say she offers insights into the human condition. Instead I’ll be more down to earth and say she creates characters who are struggling acutely from the human condition and it is easy to identify with them.
A problem arises for me if I identify too much. One of my all-time favorite books is her Pulitzer Prize winning Olive Kitteridge about a loveable curmudgeon. Strout has a tendency to revisit characters in new books and so it was that Olive, Again came into existence. That book finds Olive at age 77, struggling with the indignities of aging including incontinence and assisted living.
That book came out in 2019. I was 67. I identified too much.
All of this leads me to Strout’s newest book, The Things We Never Say. It is so beautifully written that I suffered acutely from the human condition throughout it. I may not be brave enough to read another of her novels…
In a nutshell, The Things We Never Say, is about a gentle, kind man who is loved by many, but maybe not always by his wife. His name is Artie Dam and he is 57-years-old. His wife is Evie. They have a son, Rob, who is 27.
Artie teaches 11th grade history. His students adore him and call him Damn Dam. And the way he impacts the lives of some of his students is absolutely beautiful. At one point in the story we go to the awards banquet when he was named teacher of the year. Yay Artie Dam!
BUT, not all is well in Artie’s world. He recognizes all the good things about his life and he appreciates the beauty of the world around him, but he is just feeling off. He even contemplates suicide for a while.
Trying to figure out what’s wrong, he wonders if it is still the aftermath of a tragedy ten years earlier. Rob was in a car wreck. He was the driver, and though he survived, his girlfriend, who was in the passenger seat, did not. Since then, the family reconfigured itself. Evie trained as a family therapist and buried herself in her work. Rob went to MIT and became a software developer. Could that still be impacting them?
Certainly, the fact that therapist-Evie can be cold and analytical instead of warm like she used to be is problematic. She is often dismissive when he tries to tell her the stories of his life. And Rob? Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s all grown up now, but there just seems to be a distance between them, and this “accretion of loneliness” is heartbreaking for Artie.
Beyond feeling alienated from his most significant others, additional problems exist:
- Post pandemic, he sees fear in his students though they cannot identify what they are afraid of.
- He sees fear in everyone around him due to the 2024 election. He says “The election came and went. Half of the country was stunned, the other half jubilant.” To Artie, it seems his country is committing suicide.
- On a personal note, he misses a friend, Flossie, who moved away. He loved her but was not in love with her. What made her special was that he could be himself with her. He could tell her anything.
- He also seems to be flooded with memories of his deceased parents and sister. And particularly laments his sister’s short life and the fact that Marie had “desperately wanted sweetness in her life.”
Basically, I am identifying with all of this:
- Sometimes feeling alienated from loved ones? Yep, that’s me.
- Feeling altered in the aftermath of the pandemic? Yep, that’s me.
- Horrifically impacted by the political divide in the United States? Yep, that’s me.
- Missing friends and family who have moved away or passed away? Yep, that’s me.
Clearly, the author made me feel a lot while reading this book. Hence, I say she is an amazing, top notch writer. But I’m just not sure I’ll be brave enough to read her next book.
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Click here to learn more about The Things We Never Say on Amazon.
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If you like my writing, I hope you will check out my new book, Chai on Life. It contains 36 slice-of-life stories ranging in topics from belly fat to Billy Joel. It is available wherever books are sold and on Amazon. There is even a companion journal for you to write the stories of your life.
Chai on Life is available in 3 formats: Hard Back, Kindle, and AudioBook.
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